- Sheila deep in thought – Early 1960s Photo by Sam Finkelstein
Your body it comforted me.
Your arms were strong;
Your heart was even bigger.
It filled all spaces with love.
It filled me with love and
Gave me space to practice
To learn, to grow.
Ultimately you gave me the space for all of that and more.
I nurtured you on many levels and in some I may have held you back. Who knows?
You were a leader and initiator in your own right – Fatherhood, Scouts, B’nai B’rith, Synagogue, Ohr Bits, newsletter for four years and so much more of which I was not aware, because I never asked.
This is one of my biggest regrets. There is/was so much more that I could have learned about you/from you and what does that all mean now?
More knowledge?
More history?
Did I appreciate you enough?
Obviously from what you wrote, what I read, in notes to me, you felt fully fulfilled and loved.
Ina said your purpose in this life was to support and honor me.
It is thus my responsibility now, my privilege, to soar higher and higher in your name.
You are now unchained. I am no longer holding you here. Periodically I’ll see signs of you. A gardenia, a bird perhaps, who knows what else and if Hedy (Army girlfriend in Germany) is there I’ll smile for you… be glad that you have another to now fulfill your desire to appreciate and love and be appreciated and loved.
I loved, and love you, so much, my Darling. Through you my world and the world I/we live in is a better place.
All my love, Eternally,
Your precious Sheila
(Though not a “precious” is not a “pet” name you used, I know that’s what I was for you, the “jewel” in your life.)
Note: – This was written toward the end of a three-day Healing/Releasing experience, as suggested by Amethyst Wyldfire I offer it here should what I wrote make a difference for someone else going through a healing process of losing a spouse or loved one. Sam has been gone two weeks less than 18 months, as I write these words.
The photograph is one that especially appealed to me yesterday as I was going through a book of beautiful portraits that Sam took of me in the first years of our marriage, in the early sixties. You can see more of Sam’s Black and White photography on B&W Photos.
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