Sam Finkelstein Blowing Kisses at the Surprise 45th Wedding Anniversary Party given for us by our sons and their families – 8/27/05
DREAMS for Dream Activation Witnessing – September 14, 2005
I came into this Dream Activation program after it started, stating that I do not really have dreams, at least not any that I can put my fingers on/around.
Last night, I read the statement On VISION, in ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE (p. 14) by Keith Harrell. He speaks of it, stating that “A vision can’t fail if you do the right thing.” He goes on to say, “The most critical first step is understanding your purpose in life and developing a personal vision. A personal vision consists of knowing what you want to do, for whom, and for what purpose.”
I’m thinking that I was equating Dreams with Vision and I have not specifically defined what I want to do for whom and for what purpose.
In order to prepare for my share today, I needed to write about my husband and create a clearing. So two nights ago I wrote and then, in Julie’s Special Writing Program yesterday which I’ve also just joined, the second part of what’s up for me seemed to fall in place.
To lay the foundation, I want to share what I first wrote. Sam, my beloved husband, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease 8 1/2 years ago and in the past year, communication, getting his thoughts out, has become quite difficult at times and we’ve had some other intermittent challenges. And so I wrote –
I dream of things that can never be, or no longer be. I dream of Sam and I being able to travel, to take the cruises he desires, to walk the beaches with him at my side. I dream of our having extended conversations, many of which we never had.
I dream of being sweet, loving and compassionate with him, not the ranting bitch that emerges from time to time…sometimes frequent times.
I dream of his initiating, generating, and my being able to lean on him, depend on him, though I’d protest it along the way.
I dream of people helping him, engaging him, enlivening him…things that I have no patience for. I dream of letting go of resentment and forgiving myself for not spending more AND quality time with him.
I notice I keep saying “him.” My mother used to hate when I, or anyone, referred to her as “her.” “Him” is Sam, my beloved, who has put up with so much with me, always putting me first before himself, or anyone else.
Though he often protested, at least initially, on things I started, new and innovative, he ultimately was always there for me, supporting me. And with it all, bottom line, in whatever way, I am always there for him.
If I’d see myself through Sam’s eyes I’d be quite accomplished, tackling huge projects, as yet unknown and undefined.
Right now I dream of peace and ease, of having it all – luxury unlimited, money and resources, all without having to put out much effort.
I dream of communities of people interacting purposefully and with love.
I dream of people making discoveries and being excited by what they do.
I dream of having, being in a close knit community, with friends who energize and excite me and themselves.
I dream of books not yet written, 2 at least, though I know not what they are.
I dream of being famous, for what I do not know.
I dream of connections – people being connected for whatever they need.
I dream of a clutter-free environment, of a staff to tend to all of our needs – cooking, cleaning, organizing.
At one point I dreamed of watching sunrise over the ocean, while lying in bed, opening the drapes with a remote control. That dream also had woods and streams in the back of the house where we could see sunset and workshops for an artists’, actually corporate workers’, retreat. The latter is no longer part of my dream. Is it resignation or simply that I’ve moved in different directions?
And so my writing concluded the other night and I thought I’d search through my writings in my Picture to Ponder almost-daily ezine (now weekly) to find the points I seem to emphasize and thus get a handle on where I’m standing.
Then I experienced more free flow writing, with Julie yesterday.
The final prompt for the session was THE GIFT I GIVE TO MY READERS IS. . .and I wrote,
“The gift I give my readers is the opportunity for them to discover the richness in their worlds, the beauty of what’s in their physical spaces, the visions they have, perhaps as-yet unknown, in their souls…
the words, the tools, the ways of interconnecting to their selves and to each other, the people in their lives whom they’ve met and not yet met.
The gift I give to my readers is the beauty of knowing and believing in themselves.
And, I’m reminded that in “mission statements” for jobs in varying fields was always some form of supporting/empowering people in believing and themselves.
It’s who I be in my actions. Is it a Vision? A dream? I don’t know.”
Note for those new to this blog – My beloved Sam passed away on 11/21/07, see REMEMBERING SAM, and as I put this together on 1/7/09 I am struggling with what new dreams I can create. The dreams listed after those I had of life with Sam certainly can act as inspiration for me, they are and came from someplace within as did THE GIFT I GIVE MY READERS as spelled out above.