Writing Prompt – Blessings in Front of Me

by Sheila Finkelstein on September 24, 2010

I had a full “plate” of classes and “to-dos” today and once again I got a nudge at 11:30 AM to finish the call I was on and drop in on Julie Jordan Scott’s WRITING CAMP. From my experience of being in the spaces that Julie creates, I know something is bound to open up for me. I my not always know what it is or will be and I was surprised today to find that memories of Sam flowed from my, interestingly, red pen. Was the “red” for my heart?

The prompt “Blessings in front of my right now; the floor and the tiles that take me anywhere I want to go in my house: to the riches or the distractions; to 3 carpeted rooms, two of which house my MacIntosh computers; the other my bed for rest and memories of Sam, of being held closely, tightly, lovingly and being gently caressed on the flesh of my abdomen when I lay on my back.

I hated this. It brought my attention and awareness to what I felt was an excess of fat, more pronounced, for me, with his caresses. I always stopped him, removed his hand; never thought to ask what pleasure he derived from this. Too late now.

My writing continued, given there was more time before the timer had Julie state, “Complete your thought and end for now.” I continued writing about the pot in front of me, in the center of the floor, remaining from a fire ritual I did last night, celebrating the Fall Equinox. And that story is unimportant here.

Suffice it to say, “Life does go on and we can continue to find richness and blessings if we put ourselves out in communities which support us.” Thank you, Julie.

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Writing – Breathing from the Heart

by Sheila Finkelstein on September 22, 2010

This morning I was moved to join a call facilitated by Julie Jordan Scott.  The call was one of her current 49-day daily writing program in AND NOW, YOU WRITE. I’ve been a participant in countless calls and programs that Julie has offered over the past eight or more years that I have known her.  She is a truly authentic, loving, sharing, caring, generous human being. I consider her one of my mentors and know that always something will open up for me out of being in her presence. If you are interested in writing and/or being comfortable in expressing yourself, I strongly recommend you check out Julie’s AND NOW, YOU WRITE virtual writing camp.

The prompt for today was “I fill the paper with the breathing of my heart” and in the subsequent five minutes of free-flow writing time, the words that filled my paper became:

I fill the paper with the breathing of my heart.  Prompt from Julie Jordan Scott

So often the paper is filled with my questions. Is my heart full of questions?  What are they?
I’m often not breathing, not consciously so… not with awareness, anyway, that is.
If I don’t pay attention to my breathing is that protecting my heart protecting me from my heart?
My heart/your heart is/both are our lifelines to our beings.
Thump.  Thump. Thump.
What is my heart saying?
What does it want me to hear?
Is it “hearing” or is it “feeling” that it wants me to do?
Are there words that I am hiding, suppressing?  Words that want to come through?
Thump.  Thump. Thump.
Steady is my heart in rhythmic breathing – breaths.
Does it pound?  Does it want to pound?
What happens when I am excited?  Do I pass on that excitement to you?
Do you feel it?
I haven’t said anything or much, yet and
I have filled the paper with words.
What do you hear my heart saying?

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Hands as seen by Sam and Sheila – Throughout Our Years

by Sheila Finkelstein on July 22, 2010

I’ve just completed reading my friend Renee Barnow’s Right-Line Blog post – “What Do Your Hands Say? What Does Your Voice Hold?”

Immediately, I imaged the photograph Sam took years ago of my hand lighting Hanukah Candles on the Menorah.  I then I started recalling so many others of his wonderful black and white photos; so instead of a single comment on Renee’s post, I decided to create my own post in response.

Hand honors Ritual and Celebration of Light

Hands display art (here – sterling silver and ceramic rings made by me) while caressing Nature’s textures

In wonder and awe – hands caress pregnant belly and yet-to-be-born child

Future brother’s hand lifts maternity blouse, querying the future –
(To see more photos of young boys’ hands expressing love and togetherness, Sam’s Photos, click on a thumbnail and cycle through the enlargements)

Hand in Hand – Child and Man – Symbolizes Trust (Young boy’s hand in Sam’s – photo ©Sheila Finkelstein)

and, I was reminded of how often I use “hand” in language… “on the other hand”, “in my hands”, “hand-drawing” (in describing my photo/drawings)

Sporadically, I’ve been posting on this blog sharing some of my writing as examples of a pathway to healing.  Today, I’m reminded though the words came, I am blessed to have the photos and the technical ability to share them with you also – photography and cycling through memories as another access to healing.

Note – As I scrolled down this published page, I noted other photos – Hands for blowing kisses and Hands for writing.

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Fog, Aloneness and the Intimacy of Memories

by Sheila Finkelstein on March 9, 2010

Photo by Sam Finkelstein - Morning Fog overlooking Long Island Sound in Harkness Memorial State Park, Waterford, CT

I come to know aloneness, intimately, when I remember the fogs that Sam and I stood in… Harkness Gardens in Connecticut and the beautiful image in the distance, the broken fog.  I leaned against him to enjoy together. And he is no longer here.  

Then there was the fog of Bar Harbor, Maine, the year we couldn’t see in the distance beyond it and had the experience of studying that which was beneath us and closely all around. The boys, came up to us and we were all together – a family.

The family still exists, though, distant somewhat, with their own.  The intimacy still exists on a different level and though they say he’s with us in memory, they can’t miss the feel of him against my body.  Memories don’t quite suffice and the gratitude for having had it exists always.

The intimacy of aloneness, what does it mean?  I surround myself with stories when I think and look at things, and they are not the stories of Sam or us. They are the stories I make up from what I currently see.  

Would stories from the past make a difference? I think not.  It’s being in the present that will most empower me, knowing I’m blessed with those intimate memories, plus the love notes and photos from Sam still present in my home as well as my heart.

(Note: This writing came out of a visualization, breathing exercise, in Julie Jordan Scott’s Writing Intensive Winter Camp. Thank you, Julie.)

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Valentine’s Day – Sadness, Taking Action, Counting Blessings

by Sheila Finkelstein on February 14, 2010

Today is Valentine’s Day and all around it seems people are acknowledging the “heart” day… Subject lines in emails, Twitter posts, probably on Facebook also.

My friend Marifran Korb has written some wonderful posts on Celebrating Valentine’s Day, including most importantly celebrating ourselves.  She wrote: “Make a commitment to fall in love over and over again with YOURSELF. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.” Valentine’s Day, Part 3, with lots of great ideas.  AND, I wanted NO part of any of it!

Sam and I never much celebrated Valentine’s Day as a holiday.  I’d like to think we celebrated our love daily. Despite this, on the subconscious level, I think, sadness had been setting in as I was reading tags and posts.

I’m here now at my computer with sporadic tears welling in my eyes, some  passing down over my cheeks.   It’s more than two years since my beloved Sam has left this Earth and, though my life is full, sometimes it seems even lonelier than it was  in the days and year after he died. (Why is it so hard to say that word – “die?”)

So how do we handle the tears, the sadness.  “Write,” I say. And, unintentionally I did.  A young mother in the Conscious Business Owners coaching group of which I am a part, was querying her wanting to be with her young sons, concerned that her business would pull her away from that which was most important to her.

One of the other group members wrote: “For me personally, I think my resentment of not having outside contact would have been somehow translated into our relationships in a negative way. So find a balance that will work for you but remember there is another child who has needs–you.”

That sparked me to write my own response (see end of this post) and though the tears started welling up even more, I found I was in action… My number one RX for healing… or easing the moments.

1.  After I wrote the email, I decided it would make a good blog post and possibly turn into a podcast for the Become a Blogging Maniac course in which I am a participant.

2.  Reflecting on one of the things missing in the moment, I saw “family closeness”, so I called my son who lives 1/2 hour from me. Upon hearing my sadness he invited me to visit and my “daughter-in-love”, immediately got on the phone and compassionately said, “Come to dinner.” (Thank you twitter friend Mary Morris, marylmorris, for introducing me to the concept/phraseology of “daughters-in-love.” I have two.)

As I take each of these steps and more, I am grateful for the past and present blessings in my life.

If you are someone who is grieving the absence of a loved one, I invite you to also be in action with whatever will best occupy and forward you.  Be sure to look for that in your life for which you can be thankful.

And, if you are someone who is blessed to currently have everyone important to you in your life alive and well, I invite you to stop to make note of the memories you can add to your Treasure Chest of life and acknowledge them now.  One of my blessings is that I have so many beautiful messages Sam wrote to me.

Speaking of writing, I’m moved to include a treasured photographic memory, that brings back the warmth and comfort of our relationship.

Writing with feet in Sam's LapSmiling at the memory – See PICTURE TO PONDER – Issue 108 for the story.

From my EMAIL REPLY (see explanation above) that triggered this post:

“For me, M, your response to S was ‘right on’.  I’m reminded of the times I used to say guiltily (those little self-sabotaging demons kicking in) that I wasn’t the “Milk and Cookies” Mom AND my sons turned out great!!! They are wonderful husbands, in marriages that are each loving and stable, and fathers to  4 wonderful, bright, loving children.

When my sons were very young, I was quite involved with numerous volunteer activities and  then went back to college, finishing two years in an art education program.  I would often take my boys to one of the studios when I went up for extra work.  I still have etchings (real ones on metal plates) that they did  when they were 5 and 8.

I recall my younger son complaining, when he wanted to throw some “guilt” at me, about the times he’d have to come home to make
his own lunch so he could run back to school to play kickball. (Doesn’t sound too tragic, does it, given he’s mentioning the “play” part also?)

Whenever guilt would kick in for me over the years, I would remind myself, and continue to do so, how well my/our sons turned out –
a tribute, I say, to the ultimate love and security that was in our home, with two loving parents who were comfortable in their own
skin (usually) with what they were doing for self-fulfillment, as well as familial fulfillment.

S, it certainly sounds like you have your husband behind and with you. THAT is the MOST IMPORTANT thing that your sons will
see.  In addition to all the love they are and will be getting, they will have the experience of two adults being true to themselves.

I am deeply missing my husband, and those years long gone, as I complete writing this.  And, I am grateful for the blessing Sam’s and my life was  together  and for the next-generation two loving families that we seeded.

Treasure these years, S, remembering to treasure yourself and your needs also.”

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Scuba Diving versus Snorkeling – Going Deeper or Letting Go

by Sheila Finkelstein on January 4, 2010

Koi Fish

At the end of the 30-day Conscious Energy Shifts call this morning, Adela Rubio made a comment on Snorkeling and Scuba Diving. Because of my fears the couple of times I’ve snorkeled, it immediately resonated with me.

I responded by writing the following – To hear me read this, click on the arrow:

Snorkeling Vs. Scuba Diving

“Put on a suit. Go deeper,” said Adela.
See what’s available in scuba diving.

It seems to me that going deeper with scuba diving might feel safer than snorkeling. With scuba diving, I image a life line being there. With snorkeling, I’m on my own.

For me the challenge would be/is to move beyond the safety of the boat, even the side of the pool – the knowing that I can get to the side within seconds and be secure, grab on.

What is the fear of going past my self-imposed limits?

Fear of drowning? This seems odd since I sometimes say/think that my life has been fulfilled, is complete.

Fear of struggling, not being able to breathe? The head knows it’s simply one breath at a time. Relax into it. Maybe, it’s the body that knows this. The head kicks in with the noises, planting its negative seeds.

If so, I can simply be with my body. Trust it and snorkel beyond the boat to those spaces with other sea life even more beautiful than what’s closest to the boat.

I will create a challenge for myself and respond to it. I’ll practice in the pool (all the while hoping it stays cold here in Florida for another month or two) – snorkel/swimming down the center, not quite an easy distance to the side. I might also swim/snorkel across the deep end.

Simply thinking of this, tightens up my body. Fears kick in. Perhaps recalling the memory, 60 plus years ago, of learning to ride a bike can ease the concern. Certainly there must have been fear of falling, one which I ultimately conquered. For years after I had the freedom of the ride.

Deep breath. Exhale. Image the feeling of freely playing, dancing with the fish – the colors and the rhythms. Then take that back on land.

What would the feeling be, playing among the limitless sea of humans in natural environments – growing strong and free – full of spontaneous, authentic self-expression – an empowering dance of life? Ah, yes!

—-
PS – Where’s the life line? Do I need it? The life line is within – the trust. Trust that I can and trust there will be one person and/or a community to support and save me if I’m in trouble. Thank you.

© 2010 Sheila Finkelstein – See Photography and Transformation for more writing and photos

(Note the photograph above is not of ocean fish. Rather they are Koi fish in a pond in a Nature center. I show them here as representative of the color and movement to which I refer.)

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Aloneness – Loneliness – Is there a Difference?

by Sheila Finkelstein on January 3, 2010

Walking into 2010

Ponderings – Loneliness or Alone on New Year’s Eve 

Alone – Lonely – Is there a difference?

Being alone in a crowd.
People dance,
They jump for joy. 

Where am I?
Off in the distance,
on the sidelines

What holds me back, has me not want to participate?

All the “rules” I impose on myself.

What rules are there about dancing?  What holds me back?

Making a “fool” of myself?  What is a fool?

and then there was “the night”…

Alone on New Year’s Eve, as 2010 rolled in.  I was actually quite content, comfortable in my skin and my place in life right now.  The past two New Year’s Eves without Sam were hard.  I was with one son, daughter-in-law, two grandchildren and their assorted guests both years and felt lonelier than being alone on 12/31/09.  The prior two years I recall so strongly feeling “Everyone has someone” and “I am alone”

If I were in the massive crowd at Disney, I suspect my feelings would have been the same.

I had an interesting walk from the party back to my room.  I was taking photos and a family came along.  The wife stayed to talk.  Her name is Heila, mine- Sheila without the “S”.  Someone on a call the next morning, in a group I was in, spoke of walking in nature looking for omens.  Was “Heila’ an omen for me​?…

What are the “s”s I could be dropping in my life?
S – sh*t – the clutter I surround myself with… not quite… and the “baggage” I carry
S – sorry feelings
S – “shoulds” – definitely!

Consider replacing them with “Shalls”.

What to keep?– my Soul, my Sense of worth,  my “Self”  The Self who Shines.

Maybe the omen wasn’t so much about dropping the “S”…. rather acknowledging and honoring it.  Who would I be without myself?

So back to loneliness – aloneness – Find the beauty in it.  Acknowledge it.  Let it be and note that there are multi-dimensions.

Remember when the “shoulds” are removed… the concern with other’s judgments…. really our own chatter and assumptions… all that remains is the beauty of myself/ourselves.

I am the one with whom I live…. how great it and my life are when I honor me and am totally and completely satisfied with that.

“The Story” leading up to the above writing:

My two sons and their wives gave me the 70th birthday gift of both families – including 1 granddaughter and three grandsons – being together between Christmas Eve and January 2. Seven of those days were spent in Orlando, Fl, sometimes all together, some days splitting up.  The plan was for us all to be together on 12/31 celebrating the entry of 2010.  In order not to be closed out from Magic Kingdom, the decision was made to leave for Disney, 20 minutes from where we were staying, at 6:30 AM.  I woke up at 4:00 AM and after thinking about it decided to stay back. The thought of 18 hours,  14 of them at least, on my feet standing on lines was too much.

I actually had a great day, rested, walked, stopped in on a party the resort was having.  On the way back, while taking boardwalk night photos, I got into a stimulating conversation with a passerby, on common interests – woman whose name was similar to mine.

Back in my room, I watched the “Ball Drop” on TV as 2010, a new decade, became reality.  I hugged myself lightly, remembering the 47 years my husband I embraced and kissed as the New Year unfolded. And then I recalled the “aloneness” and missing of the past 2 New Year’s Eves, celebrated at my son’s home.

Though surrounded and supported I felt “left out”.  As 2008 and 2009 entered, I felt lonely/alone and something/someone was missing.  And, I suspect my feelings would have been the same, compounded, in the crowd at Magic Kingdom this year.

Instead, I felt full and satisfied, though still missing Sam.

And then the next day, periodically I found myself feeling sad and teary-eyed as I thought of, spoke of,   being “alone” on New Year’s Eve.

“ ‘Everyone celebrates’. New Year’s Eve is “supposed” to be ‘party time’ and you were left out.’” I suspect that underneath it all were the thoughts, “What will they think of me?” “Something is wrong with her,” and more….

I thus decided to write down the thoughts… those empowering ones I had during the day and night… all the while feeling content, even at the party.

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Dreams and Visions from September 2005

by Sheila Finkelstein on December 11, 2009

I just came across this on one of my sites and thought it belonged here… one of those teary moments and some of the writing might have been healing then.  The reading and remembering is now part of the healing process.

9/14/05 – I have participated in many very powerful programs with Julie Jordan Scott.  Currently I am in Julie’s Dream Activation Program, see DREAMS and in a writing program of hers.  Part of the 42 days of Dream Activation is sharing one’s dreams and having them witnessed.  Today I shared my expression around my dreams.

Sam Finkelstein blows kisses
Sam Finkelstein Blowing Kisses at the Surprise 45th Wedding Anniversary Party given for us by our sons and their families – 8/27/05 

DREAMS for Dream Activation Witnessing – September 14, 2005

I came into this Dream Activation program after it started, stating that I do not really have dreams, at least not any that I can put my fingers on/around.

Last night, I read the statement On VISION, in ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE (p. 14) by Keith Harrell.  He speaks of it, stating that “A vision can’t fail if you do the right thing.”  He goes on to say, “The most critical first step is understanding your purpose in life and developing a personal vision.  A personal vision consists of knowing what you want to do, for whom, and for what purpose.”

I’m thinking that I was equating Dreams with Vision and I have not specifically defined what I want to do for whom and for what purpose.

In order to prepare for my share today, I needed to write about my husband and create a clearing.  So two nights ago I wrote and then, in Julie’s Special Writing Program yesterday which I’ve also just joined, the second part of what’s up for me seemed to fall in place.

To lay the foundation, I want to share what I first wrote.  Sam, my beloved husband, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease 8 1/2 years ago and in the past year, communication, getting his thoughts out, has become quite difficult at times and we’ve had some other intermittent challenges. And so I wrote –

DREAMING

I dream of things that can never be, or no longer be.  I dream of Sam and I being able to travel, to take the cruises he desires, to walk the beaches with him at my side.  I dream of our having extended conversations, many of which we never had.

I dream of being sweet, loving and compassionate with him, not the ranting bitch that emerges from time to time…sometimes frequent times.

I dream of his initiating, generating, and my being able to lean on him, depend on him, though I’d protest it along the way.

I dream of people helping him, engaging him, enlivening him…things that I have no patience for.  I dream of letting go of resentment and forgiving myself for not spending more AND quality time with him.

I notice I keep saying “him.”  My mother used to hate when I, or anyone, referred to her as “her.”   “Him” is Sam, my beloved, who has put up with so much with me, always putting me first before himself, or anyone else.

Though he often protested, at least initially, on things I started, new and innovative, he ultimately was always there for me, supporting me.  And with it all, bottom line, in whatever way, I am always there for him.

If I’d see myself through Sam’s eyes I’d be quite accomplished, tackling huge projects, as yet unknown and undefined.

Right now I dream of peace and ease, of having it all – luxury unlimited, money and resources, all without having to put out much effort.

I dream of communities of people interacting purposefully and with love.

I dream of people making discoveries and being excited by what they do.

I dream of having, being in a close knit community, with friends who energize and excite me and themselves.

I dream of books not yet written, 2 at least, though I know not what they are.

I dream of being famous, for what I do not know.

I dream of connections – people being connected for whatever they need.

I dream of a clutter-free environment, of a staff to tend to all of our needs – cooking, cleaning, organizing.

At one point I dreamed of watching sunrise over the ocean, while lying in bed, opening the drapes with a remote control. That dream also had woods and streams in the back of the house where we could see sunset and workshops for an artists’, actually corporate workers’, retreat.  The latter is no longer part of my dream.  Is it resignation or simply that I’ve moved in different directions?

And so my writing concluded the other night and I thought I’d search through my writings in my Picture to Ponder almost-daily ezine (now weekly) to find the points I seem to emphasize and thus get a handle on where I’m standing.

Then I experienced more free flow writing, with Julie yesterday.

The final prompt for the session was THE GIFT I GIVE TO MY READERS IS. . .and I wrote, 

“The gift I give my readers is the opportunity for them to discover the richness in their worlds, the beauty of what’s in their physical spaces, the visions they have, perhaps as-yet unknown, in their souls…

the words, the tools, the ways of interconnecting to their selves and to each other, the people in their lives whom they’ve met and not yet met.

The gift I give to my readers is the beauty of knowing and believing in themselves.

And, I’m reminded that in “mission statements” for jobs in varying fields was always some form of supporting/empowering people in believing and themselves.

It’s who I be in my actions.  Is it a Vision?  A dream?  I don’t know.”

Note for those new to this blog – My beloved Sam passed away on 11/21/07, see REMEMBERING SAM, and as I put this together on 1/7/09 I am struggling with what new dreams I can create. The dreams listed after those I had of life with Sam certainly can act as inspiration for me, they are and came from someplace within as did THE GIFT I GIVE MY READERS as spelled out above.

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Tea – Humor and Opening the Senses – NaBloPoMo Day 16

by Sheila Finkelstein on August 3, 2009

Yesterday, in a Facebook post, my friend Lisa discussed tea she was enjoying, purchased at $60 a pound in Chinatown in LA. It reminded me of a tea experience of mine. I had been somewhat taken aback at the end of the experience and the memory surfaced during another writing class with Julie Jordan Scott. In that session, a few days after my “outing,” we were to write on a “sensory experience.”

The spontaneous writing that emerged brought appreciation and humor to the whole experience for me and I still smile when I think about it and what I wrote. I promised Lisa I would post the story here. Thank you, Lisa, for the memories and Julie for the prompt that opened it up.

Tea – Taste and Smell at Twenty-seven-fifty

Twenty-seven fifty – yes, that’s Twenty-seven dollars and fifty cents
On three little bags of tea…. Can you believe? 10 ounces total –
Twenty-seven fifty!!!

I’ll blame it on my friend. We tasted two delicious teas, up front,
Almost in the mall pathway, two inviting urns, cups – little plastic ones
in a dispenser beside them –

Rooibos Chai with something else was on the left
Didn’t get the name of the one on the right.

Had two cups of each and went to discard the empties.
Friend said, “… must have to go back to counter
to toss them out. Don’t see anything here.”

Same friend had commented when we passed, down the interior mall path. “Imagine, a shop just for tea. This one has fine tea.” So we stepped back, walked over and sampled.

Would have left and found place for cups/trash, only friend said “to counter.”
So we wandered back.

Nice lady salesperson, enthusiastic, knowledgeable and sharing.
Got enrolled. She opened tins. Showed us mixes. Gave us wafts of aromas
as she tilted the 12 inch tins – Were they 18 …?

The blueberry/peach on the counter in the back, served cold, was delicious too.

Now we’re deep in conversation.
Aromas are great, textures appealing and the names sure do call.

Eighth of a pound and 2 ounces. Getting somewhat confusing. Hearing four, five and six dollars plus for some portion of a pound wasn’t really registering. Brain must have been
thinking/assuming that she was talking about quarter and half pounds.

So we – she, that is – started mixing, to replicate the samples.

4 ounces – 2 ounces of each makes on bag – Ten dollars and seventy cents, already mixed
custom for me – too late to change mind. Besides didn’t even realize what it was costing, so caught up was I!

In the back of my mind as all of this is happening was,
“I’m in this course… This week is about sensory awareness…. Senses not usually attended to. So……. Taste and smell… my weakest. I can chalk some of this expense up to course work. Right? Ok, I’ll do it.”

Mind chatter. Can justify so readily. But twenty-seven fifty?? Couldn’t believe it.
And it’s OK.
There was no sales tax, so must be good for me!

Now I sit with three copper-colored, front and back, brown sides and bottoms, little foil bags. All [….] the store name

There is Mate Vana – Rooibos Chai – the first I tasted. So smooth, light and yet rich.The middle bag is Blueberry Bliss – Rooibos Peach that was the slippery, smooth, lightly refreshing, cold one on the counter.

That would have been enough – Totaling twenty-one dollars and I still wasn’t really aware of what this all was costing.

“ChocoNut Green Tea” suddenly caught my eye in the beautifully done booklet/catalog :
“The simple pairing of Chinese green tea with delectable chocolate bits and scrumptious almonds, pistachio nuts and macadamia nut pieces” Who could pass this up? Especially and, of course, after she, the server, said it was new and delicious! All hot button tastes for me!

I finally asked the total and stopped. Still hadn’t really registered – Twenty-seven fifty!!

Tried the choconut last night. It was somewhat of a disappointment and I’ll work more tomorrow on breathing it in. Might even put some of the tea leaves on my tongue.

And, I know, I’ll wind up doing visual here also…. Photographing, perhaps writing more.

This twenty-seven fifty already has given me some fun in the writing. There’s also been irony in looking at the circumstances, for you see, none of it was necessary beyond the tasting.

There was, in fact, a round opening into a trash receptacle, right between the two urns way up front, far from that counter!

Must have been my auditory sense kicking in the strongest, as I missed it, listening to my friend who said “We’ll have to take the cups to the counter to toss.”

Three 0 five AM. Twenty-seven dollars and fifty cents worth of fun and I still have lots to taste and smell!
©3-18-08 Sheila Finkelstein

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Two weeks ago, I decided to sign up for NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month (can start any time) and made an agreement, mainly with myself, to do a blog post daily for 30 days. I decided to do this as a way of creating a structure and some self-discipline for myself.

Right now, I have two somewhat active blogs. Since I had not been posting much on Writing for Healing, I thought this challenge would be way to build it. The challenge I’m finding is that I do not have a set intention, other than to post. When I set up the blog, I thought it would be a good idea to reach, particularly caregivers, actually anyone who is mourning a loss. Mourning a loss does not necessarily mean there has to be a physical “death”, though I guess there is some form of “dying” off of something that had been a certain way, “lived” a certain way.

I would often say to my husband, as we lay in bed at night, “I miss you.” In retrospect this, I’m sure, was not the kindest thing to say to him, since I’m sure he missed himself, his “normalcy” and what we were able to do in the past. There wasn’t anything he, or I, could do about it. At those times I was, particularly, missing his ability to communicate freely and to easily roll over in bed and hold me in the way he had for 40 plus years.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, the biggest toll Parkinson’s Disease took on Sam was his ability to vocalize the words that were right there in his head. Also though he fortunately was able to walk easily, he did have some rigidity in freedom of motion in other positions.

My wandering here today is an example of writing without a specific intention… or perhaps many. Back to my original underlying purpose of this blog, supporting others in finding their healing processes through writing. When I think of that, I’m left with the questions, “Should I be telling? Teaching? Simply sharing writing?” I started to take the “easy” way and share writings I had already done.

Today, I had the thought, “Why am I focussing here, when the thing I most love is taking photographs?” Thus I’m taking on posting a photo daily on Photography and Transformation.com. Today’s post is a Weathered Wall, which might well inspire writing and perhaps healing writing, I thus invite you to visit a Weathered Wall – Photography for Meditation.

You might experience the riches of nature in addition to mourning the passing of what might have been before.

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