- Sheila deep in thought – Early 1960s Photo by Sam Finkelstein
Your body it comforted me.
Your arms were strong;
Your heart was even bigger.
It filled all spaces with love.
It filled me with love and
Gave me space to practice
To learn, to grow.
Ultimately you gave me the space for all of that and more.
I nurtured you on many levels and in some I may have held you back. Who knows?
You were a leader and initiator in your own right – Fatherhood, Scouts, B’nai B’rith, Synagogue, Ohr Bits, newsletter for four years and so much more of which I was not aware, because I never asked.
This is one of my biggest regrets. There is/was so much more that I could have learned about you/from you and what does that all mean now?
More knowledge?
More history?
Did I appreciate you enough?
Obviously from what you wrote, what I read, in notes to me, you felt fully fulfilled and loved.
Ina said your purpose in this life was to support and honor me.
It is thus my responsibility now, my privilege, to soar higher and higher in your name.
You are now unchained. I am no longer holding you here. Periodically I’ll see signs of you. A gardenia, a bird perhaps, who knows what else and if Hedy (Army girlfriend in Germany) is there I’ll smile for you… be glad that you have another to now fulfill your desire to appreciate and love and be appreciated and loved.
I loved, and love you, so much, my Darling. Through you my world and the world I/we live in is a better place.
All my love, Eternally,
Your precious Sheila
(Though not a “precious” is not a “pet” name you used, I know that’s what I was for you, the “jewel” in your life.)
Note: – This was written toward the end of a three-day Healing/Releasing experience, as suggested by Amethyst Wyldfire I offer it here should what I wrote make a difference for someone else going through a healing process of losing a spouse or loved one. Sam has been gone two weeks less than 18 months, as I write these words.
The photograph is one that especially appealed to me yesterday as I was going through a book of beautiful portraits that Sam took of me in the first years of our marriage, in the early sixties. You can see more of Sam’s Black and White photography on B&W Photos.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for sharing. It reminds us to talk more with those who are here to let them know how much we care about them. I appreciated reading your words more than you know. I do frequently thank people and perhaps I need to add more “details.”
Much appreciation, Morgine
Thank you, Morgine, for letting me know the difference this made for you.
With great appreciation,
Shehila
Sheila,
I just love the black and white photo experience all around! That photograph of you is just stunning. To be seen through the eyes of a photographer with that much adoration is heavenly. So glad you shared this with the world.
I enjoy capturing the small moments that mean so much in a photo, but as the second passes, when the chimney swift flits away from the lens, when the bunny shimmies under the woodpile, an static vision evaporates also. It’s then that I think, it was in the seeing of it that is the miracle, the capturing of it is another!
My mom-in-law, Peg, passed in December of 2008, and I wanted to memorialize her liveliness, which comes across in every photograph I see of her. I am grateful for learning technology like wordpress that can give me an outlet for those memories.
Your photography is a gift. Thank you for enjoying it so much and sharing it.
best for now,
Mary
Thank you so much, Mary, for your beautiful comments and acknowledgment. My sympathy to you and your husband on the loss of his Mom.
I appreciate your acknowledgment of my beloved Sam’s amazingly beautiful work. I have a wonderful album of beautiful photos of me, full of love, that he did in our early years when he spent a lot of time in the darkroom. You can see other of his black and white photography at http://www.naturesplayground.com/photography.html.
I love your poetic expression using the chimney swift and the bunnies. You speak of the “seeing” and the “capturing”. Especially with today’s digital photography and computers there is the added “seeing” of it once again, often newly and in different ways. It was only very recently, long after hearing people speak of the “Digital Darkroom” – Photoshop and other editing programs, that I full began to appreciate all that Sam brought to his work in the darkroom, in addition to his great eye.
Thanks again for your sharing.
With great appreciation,
Sheila
lovely writing Sheila. Sam’s photography is just stunning.
This is almost too intimate to share, which graciously illuminates your points about giving and receiving. You moved me. You reminded me to be brave, to breathe and be beautiful.
Thank you.